If I Ever Do You Wrong…

If I Ever Do You Wrong.. |

Assalaamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakaatuh. I am now already at home. Last Thursday, which was also my last day at school before my confinement leave, my family came to fetch me back to Kelantan. Took earlier leave as suggested by the specialist at Hospital Pakar Sultanah Fatimah, Muar. She was quite worried when I told her that I was going back to Kelantan on 12 Aug as the upcoming week was already my 37th week. Who would want to deliver a baby in a car in the middle of a lonely dark road. Just imagining it gives me chill..

I cannot thank my family enough when they were willing to come all the way to Johor from Kelantan just to have me to deliver my baby in my hometown. No experienced driver, only my future brother in law depending on Google Map to reach my house. Alhamdulillah, everything went well as planned. Actually, I asked them to come to my house because they have never been there since I moved to Johor in March this year. I wanted them to see how I am living my life with my beloved husband. Plus, I don’t want to trouble Nik to go back twice as the school holiday is just another 2 weeks away. I could always come back by bus but, being a beloved eldest daughter, of course they had to come fetch me. Kih3


My family arrived at my house at 12.30 am and I was so much happy to have them at my house. Nik was probably more excited than me as he was the one who stayed up late to tidy up and prepare their room when I was already deep in my sleep, snoring. I am so glad that my husband shows how important my family is to him, how much he wants them to feel comfortable in our house. That way, I will of course be a better daughter in law to his family too. What you give, you get back.In fact, you will get perhaps 10x better. Insya Allah.


During the short visit of my family in Muar, we went to few places. We ate satay, then went to Pantai Leka. I marinated chicken for our picnic. After Jumaat prayer, we went for barbeque at Air Terjun Gunung Ledang. Then, we went to eat roasted fish at Sabak Awor. We We had great fun spending limited time together. Bu, there was one thing that really affected me. It was when my brother, Amir and sister, Hana, saying something about what Nik and I wore every day and every night. They actually noticed that we were always wearing clothes with same colour.

Amir : Parop. Hari-hari baju warna sama.
Muja : Tak rancang pun la.

Amir did not believe me. He teased me for not realising what Nik has been doing for me, how he shows his affection, how bad I am for complaining all the time. Then only I noticed that my husband did wear same colour of his shirts after seeing me in my clothes. I felt like crying. I felt guilty for not noticing! I always have this feeling that my husband has changed a lot since our wedding, how he had stopped requesting matching clothes after getting married. Come to think of that, now, he does not have to. He can just pick his shirt after seeing me in my cloth. How silly I am!

The first night, we were in purple. That morning, I wore grey skirt and he wore grey shirt. That evening, we wore red shirt. The second night, we were in pink. Wowww. I really thought it was just a coincidence this whole time and my sibling came and opened my eyes. Despite all the negative thoughts in my head all this time, my husband is still the same Nik, that never gives up hope when we face relationship problems, that always wants to wear matching clothes every time we go for a date, that will wake up when I have leg cramp at night.

Sorry Abg for always,
not realising the efforts you have put for the sake of our marriage
not acknowledging enough all your sacrifices done for our family
not realising your ways of showing your love to me and our future child
not being grateful enough for what we already have
complaining about things you do and don’t do
demanding things that are not really you to give
thinking that you have to give more than what you have given
comparing what our life with others’ just because they post theirs on social media
forgetting that Allah gives us what we need instead of what we want

I am so sorry for everything done wrongly or not done correctly, inside and out, visible and invisible, known and unknown, open and close, said and secret. I don’t know what we have in store in the future, but one thing for sure, I will always love you and pray for the best of us three; you, me and our child. Insya Allah. Abg, it is so scary now to always think about delivering our baby. I am so scared if I cannot stand the pain, if you may not be beside me in the labor room, if I am to face complications. What if I fail to have made it safely? Please, forgive me and halalkan everything.

To all people out there, who know me or not know me,
if i ever do you wrong, please forgive me.
if i ever not pay money I owe, please inform me.
if i ever eat your food and take your things without your permission, please halal me.
if anything, like anything I do to you which is wrong, please, forgive me. Message me if you want to have personal conversation whatsoever.

ps- feeling emotional at all time nearing labor. pray for me and my baby. :’)

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